Rediscovering Me

Funny how one can be surrounded by people & still feel so alone. I've been 'home-bound' in a sense lately and while I've had the kids with me almost all day, and hubby's been around for quite a bit, I feel very alone. I guess its because to the kids, I'm Amma & generally as most children are, they expect you to provide for them. Its a constant stream of wants, please do this & endless questions. They dont really care about you :-) Hubs of course is a story of its own. Things have been 'better' in the last few weeks but it takes so much of work, trying to ensure that I am on the 'right side'. Its mentally exhausting, being alert all the time to what he expects & what I need to do. The upside of it is that we've had less arguments. The downside, he still complains. And at the end of it all, all that matters to him is him & the family. I guess that's to be expected of any family but what saddens me is that 'I' don...

Its two days since Christmas 08 & a strange one it has been. There's no maid so I've had to manage the kids & the chores. So, with all of that, Christmas has been low-key - just put up the tree on the 23rd, with minimal other decorations. Had no time to bake or even buy cookies - not that anyone eats much of them anyway. I had great fun taking the kids shopping for their clothes etc. Despite being bone-dead tired, they are such a joy to be with. And while we usually have my family over for Christmas lunch, my parents decided to have lunch at their place. So, lunch was just hubs, kids & me. But it was a really nice lunch! More importantly though, Mummy's been sick for > 1 week now, with fevers & body pains. The GPs have ruled out dengue & malaria & they think its likely to be viral fever. Its scary to see her so sick and I feel quite helpless, not being able to do anything to help her. So, in a very strange way, Christmas this year has reminded me ...