Rediscovering Me

Its been a long time since I wrote. Life kinda took over. I've been busy, good kind of busy. While there were thoughts floating around in my head, none of it was urgent enough to put them down. But today, I just felt the need to. I'm sad, disheartened at all that's happening in my homeland. As Malaysia becomes more exposed to the world, and we seemingly have become more global citizens, the 'Me' syndrome seems to be more prevalent. Its is becoming more about who I am & what I want; what I think is right is becoming more & more obvious. Not that such thoughts are wrong in itself but when it happens at the exclusion of everything else, then, to me at least, it is wrong. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and a belief in what they think is right. But that cannot mean that the other person is wrong. Over the years, we have been bombarded with pictures and stories about the so-called 'unity' of the Malaysian races. It is a wonderful trait of Malaysian li...

Why haven't I written for a long time? Cause I don't find it very comfortable to just be still with my own thoughts. I have lots of them, just that they keep running through my head & the idea of keeping still so that I can properly develop the thought doesn't seem so appealing. I wonder why?

I just attended a program on mastering yourself, where I learn basic things to do to understand myself better and as such, be better able to respond to others around me, rather than merely reacting to situations. A lot of what was presented were things that I am technically aware of. However, like the majority of people out there, what I know and what I do are 2 diferent things :-) It occured to me that I should at least put into practice what I learnt yesterday - if does become a habit (I've been told that one needs to do something for 21 days before it becomes at habit) GREAT! Even if it doesn't, I believe that there will be some improvement. Very often, I like most, have the greatest of intentions but when it comes to implementation ....leaves much to be desired. And as a consequence, I dont get the results that i want, and I get dejected ..... So, for once, I'm going to see this one project through!

I was miserable this evening for a variety of reasons, chief among it was how trapped I feel in my life right now. It got pretty bad that I was contemplating: 1. That I wished I was anyone else but me 2. That I didn't exist at all 3, That I could just exit this life Its funny that these feelings & thoughts should come just one day after I felt, so strongly, that the Lord was telling me to give this life of mine a really good shot - that he would be with me. But then again, this could be His way of testing my faith, if I would just give it all up. I think that I'm going to give Him time to work things out for me. However, lest I forget the reasons that brought me to this tragic place: 1. I've been 'home-bound' for 3 weeks with very little adult conversation & stimulation 2. I have 3 adorable kids but they have this ability to make me want to donate them away to strangers 3. I'm tired of never-ending housework 4. I've done more domesticated stuff in th...

Larry King was interviewing 3 guys today who claimed that their tests in the 1960's were affected by UFOs & the entire discussion was about whether their claims had any truth in them. I was actually listening to the interview while putting out the laundry - Hubs was watching upstairs. So then Hubs asked me if I believed in other life forms. Thought about it for a minute - I have a no proof & not that I am ever going to go & search for it - but why not? If God created man & a whole amazing universe out there, why not other life forms? Which had me thinking - what do I believe in? Being a cradle Catholic, I have always maintained that my faith in God has been the cornerstone of my life. No matter what happens, I know I have the Almighty to turn to. And this Christmas, despite being totally caught up with domesticity, I think I had one of the best revelations ever. Was contemplating the sermon I heard on the 4th Sunday of Advent, as to why Jesus had to be born. Father ...

Its the 1st day of the new year and I'm feeling melancholy. The previous year was interesting - the most apt description I can think of at the moment (my exhausted body + alcohol lubricated brain can think up at this moment). I think I sort of found myself last year - fell in love with me instead of just living. In the past few months & especially in the last few days, I've taken a good hard look at ME - I've realised what an amazing creature that I am and I've also confronted myself with some pretty ugly truths about myself. Most significant is that, while I am usually living for others (seemingly), I am, in fact, pretty selfish - I do things for myself - I like that others like me & so I do what I do. And there are times where I'm only thinking of myself. So, my promise to myself this year is that I will get my act together - love myself & love others as well. Just for who I am & who they are, without any hidden agenda. And as for me, given the thi...