Skip to main content

Kids

I left my son playing with hubby this morning & he has such an infectious laugh - you can't help but to smile when you hear him laugh.
He is a wonderful present to us. Was perfectly content with my 2 lovely girls & life was going along fine. I was actually contemplating getting my tubes tied - take away all the hassles of contraception - but had delayed acting on it as it was a busy time at the office.
Was feeling tired, kept thinking it was because of the work & my late nights, either working or having drinks with friends.
Found myself falling asleep at the traffic lights while driving home one evening when I remembered the last time I felt this kind of tiredness was when I was pregnant. Hmmm, could it be? Didnt think so but I did have a pregnancy test kit at home from the last time.
So, when I got home, i tested, but definitely not prepared for the positive result.
Started hyperventilating! Called hubs but he didnt pick up. So, called my younger sis, crying over the phone, I didnt want to get all fat & ugly again
The pregnancy went pretty smoothly, the usual morning sickness ...nothing major! Then during the ultrasound at the 4th month, I found out it was a boy - a teapot as the radiographer called it :-)
There's something magical about having a child grow inside of you. Its hard to define, but you automatically fall in love with this group of cells, multiplying inside you. And you keep falling in love, each day, everyday for the rest of your life.
I remember details of each of all my pregnancies, including the one I lost - little Judith Anne - yes I named her. Was sure it was a pretty little girl & she was very real to me.
Funny when i recall, as a young adult, I didnt want kids, was afraid I'd screw up as a mom & ruin a child's life. Now, I have 3!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

2011-A New Year

It has been more than a year since I last wrote. 2010 was an amazing year for me and I was hardly ever online, much less taking the time to plan & write. But looking back at all that I have written before, I think that its good to put things down, so that I can remember what it was like, what I felt like and all other related stuff. So this year, I will make an effort to put things down in print. Think that this is gonna look like a rojak thingy - experiences, thoughts, ideas, plans, food journal & fitness diary (apparently fitness & weight loss goals are better achieved when one makes notes :-) So, today what have I done - its 12.13pm now Came in early this morning, cleared my emails then went for breakfast - had a 3-shot latte & a shepherd's pie - nice! Got back to the office & started work on the Employer of Choice slides. Met up with Audrey to discuss the EOC stuff & all other matters. Back to the slides. Now after lunch I need to focus on the PDR valida...

Same Old ...But New?

Driven to mental desperation, I find myself drawn again to putting my thoughts down in words. Thoughts translated to words and sentences have a way of: 1. Clearing one's thoughts, the re-reading and editing helps with the clarity 2. Putting things into perspective 3. Allowing one to re-visit one's thoughts Referring to item 3, going back to my earlier post 7-8  years ago, it does seem like nothing has changed very much - I am again feeling not-so-intelligent, inadequate as a parent, overwhelmed by life, unloved and alone. And yet, I have changed. I am well aware that there is a life very different from this. I know, based on feedback from varied sources, that: 1. I am intelligent 2. I am a good mom 3. I am in control of my life - having been through and survived several storms in the past 3-4 years 4. I am loved; maybe not in the way that I want to be but I am definitely loved, by many, for different reasons, and sometimes for not other reason than for being me ...

My Profile Pic

Needing something different to do during my lunch break today, I decided to change the look of my page & in doing so, reviewed my profile. I was scanning through my pics when this particular one caught my attention. This is a sculpture of Venus which I viewed at the British Museum in 2011. Why this picture? 1. The position of the figure - crouching as if hiding, with the arm protectively across, as if to ward off some harm. There are days where I want to hide, to protect myself from the world, constant demands being made of me, my inadequate self that cannot meet these demands 2. She's looking back I am more often than not caught up in the past - the should have, could have, why did or didn't I's 3. Most important, she seems ready to launch forward Where I usually am, wanting to move forward but still looking back & hiding from it all So, I want to move forward but I need to let go of my fears & my past ....