Every relationship has difficult moments. When people interact, there's bound to be areas of disagrement & unhappiness. After all, each of us are unique individuals with different 'pictures' of our world & how we view things.
Very often, its a question of tolerance, understanding & lots of 'give & take' that makes most relationships work, whether it is social or professional.
However, most times, it is the relationships with those closest to us that are the most difficult to navigate.
Is it because we expect a higher degree of care? After all, these are people who know us best & are suppose to want what's best for us.
What happens when both/all parties demand that level of care & as a result, nothing seems to be moving?
Must there always be one that seemingly gives more to make it work? Is that wrong, being the one who almost always be one to make the adjustments?
Does making adjustments for the ones you love mean you love yourself less? And when does it stop?
I've been stuck with the 'relationship' questions for a long time now. I grew up watching my father dominate the relationship with my mum, where she was always playing second fiddle to him.
I love & admire my father but it's obvious that Mummy kinda got sidelined in the relationship. She knows it too, hopes that her daughters don't go through the same fate & yet, acknowledges that it was a choice she made. Maybe it was due to circumstances of that time, maybe because it was the only way to move forward, maybe maybe maybe but the choice was made, life went on & today, they are what they are.
I married a man that reminded me of Papa, strong, clever, decisive. I think that partly my decision was because in him, I got the 'approval' that I had craved for from Papa.
But now, 15 years (10 as man & wife) & 3 kids later, there are days that I wonder if I'll ever get it right. It seems as if no matter what I do, its never enough - I always fall short.
Have considered that I should stop trying, after all, its never going to be enough. But then again, I'm not a quitter & if trying makes me a better person (albeit not as good as he expects), don't I still gain from the experience?
Yes, it hurts to no end that he doesn't approve but I am older - old enough to appreciate my own achievements.
And I know how good I am.
So, one just keeps on trying to make it work - that's what relationships are all about, right? Getting it to work.
Very often, its a question of tolerance, understanding & lots of 'give & take' that makes most relationships work, whether it is social or professional.
However, most times, it is the relationships with those closest to us that are the most difficult to navigate.
Is it because we expect a higher degree of care? After all, these are people who know us best & are suppose to want what's best for us.
What happens when both/all parties demand that level of care & as a result, nothing seems to be moving?
Must there always be one that seemingly gives more to make it work? Is that wrong, being the one who almost always be one to make the adjustments?
Does making adjustments for the ones you love mean you love yourself less? And when does it stop?
I've been stuck with the 'relationship' questions for a long time now. I grew up watching my father dominate the relationship with my mum, where she was always playing second fiddle to him.
I love & admire my father but it's obvious that Mummy kinda got sidelined in the relationship. She knows it too, hopes that her daughters don't go through the same fate & yet, acknowledges that it was a choice she made. Maybe it was due to circumstances of that time, maybe because it was the only way to move forward, maybe maybe maybe but the choice was made, life went on & today, they are what they are.
I married a man that reminded me of Papa, strong, clever, decisive. I think that partly my decision was because in him, I got the 'approval' that I had craved for from Papa.
But now, 15 years (10 as man & wife) & 3 kids later, there are days that I wonder if I'll ever get it right. It seems as if no matter what I do, its never enough - I always fall short.
Have considered that I should stop trying, after all, its never going to be enough. But then again, I'm not a quitter & if trying makes me a better person (albeit not as good as he expects), don't I still gain from the experience?
Yes, it hurts to no end that he doesn't approve but I am older - old enough to appreciate my own achievements.
And I know how good I am.
So, one just keeps on trying to make it work - that's what relationships are all about, right? Getting it to work.
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