Rediscovering Me

I just attended a program on mastering yourself, where I learn basic things to do to understand myself better and as such, be better able to respond to others around me, rather than merely reacting to situations. A lot of what was presented were things that I am technically aware of. However, like the majority of people out there, what I know and what I do are 2 diferent things :-) It occured to me that I should at least put into practice what I learnt yesterday - if does become a habit (I've been told that one needs to do something for 21 days before it becomes at habit) GREAT! Even if it doesn't, I believe that there will be some improvement. Very often, I like most, have the greatest of intentions but when it comes to implementation ....leaves much to be desired. And as a consequence, I dont get the results that i want, and I get dejected ..... So, for once, I'm going to see this one project through!

I was miserable this evening for a variety of reasons, chief among it was how trapped I feel in my life right now. It got pretty bad that I was contemplating: 1. That I wished I was anyone else but me 2. That I didn't exist at all 3, That I could just exit this life Its funny that these feelings & thoughts should come just one day after I felt, so strongly, that the Lord was telling me to give this life of mine a really good shot - that he would be with me. But then again, this could be His way of testing my faith, if I would just give it all up. I think that I'm going to give Him time to work things out for me. However, lest I forget the reasons that brought me to this tragic place: 1. I've been 'home-bound' for 3 weeks with very little adult conversation & stimulation 2. I have 3 adorable kids but they have this ability to make me want to donate them away to strangers 3. I'm tired of never-ending housework 4. I've done more domesticated stuff in th...

Larry King was interviewing 3 guys today who claimed that their tests in the 1960's were affected by UFOs & the entire discussion was about whether their claims had any truth in them. I was actually listening to the interview while putting out the laundry - Hubs was watching upstairs. So then Hubs asked me if I believed in other life forms. Thought about it for a minute - I have a no proof & not that I am ever going to go & search for it - but why not? If God created man & a whole amazing universe out there, why not other life forms? Which had me thinking - what do I believe in? Being a cradle Catholic, I have always maintained that my faith in God has been the cornerstone of my life. No matter what happens, I know I have the Almighty to turn to. And this Christmas, despite being totally caught up with domesticity, I think I had one of the best revelations ever. Was contemplating the sermon I heard on the 4th Sunday of Advent, as to why Jesus had to be born. Father ...

Its the 1st day of the new year and I'm feeling melancholy. The previous year was interesting - the most apt description I can think of at the moment (my exhausted body + alcohol lubricated brain can think up at this moment). I think I sort of found myself last year - fell in love with me instead of just living. In the past few months & especially in the last few days, I've taken a good hard look at ME - I've realised what an amazing creature that I am and I've also confronted myself with some pretty ugly truths about myself. Most significant is that, while I am usually living for others (seemingly), I am, in fact, pretty selfish - I do things for myself - I like that others like me & so I do what I do. And there are times where I'm only thinking of myself. So, my promise to myself this year is that I will get my act together - love myself & love others as well. Just for who I am & who they are, without any hidden agenda. And as for me, given the thi...

Funny how one can be surrounded by people & still feel so alone. I've been 'home-bound' in a sense lately and while I've had the kids with me almost all day, and hubby's been around for quite a bit, I feel very alone. I guess its because to the kids, I'm Amma & generally as most children are, they expect you to provide for them. Its a constant stream of wants, please do this & endless questions. They dont really care about you :-) Hubs of course is a story of its own. Things have been 'better' in the last few weeks but it takes so much of work, trying to ensure that I am on the 'right side'. Its mentally exhausting, being alert all the time to what he expects & what I need to do. The upside of it is that we've had less arguments. The downside, he still complains. And at the end of it all, all that matters to him is him & the family. I guess that's to be expected of any family but what saddens me is that 'I' don...

Its two days since Christmas 08 & a strange one it has been. There's no maid so I've had to manage the kids & the chores. So, with all of that, Christmas has been low-key - just put up the tree on the 23rd, with minimal other decorations. Had no time to bake or even buy cookies - not that anyone eats much of them anyway. I had great fun taking the kids shopping for their clothes etc. Despite being bone-dead tired, they are such a joy to be with. And while we usually have my family over for Christmas lunch, my parents decided to have lunch at their place. So, lunch was just hubs, kids & me. But it was a really nice lunch! More importantly though, Mummy's been sick for > 1 week now, with fevers & body pains. The GPs have ruled out dengue & malaria & they think its likely to be viral fever. Its scary to see her so sick and I feel quite helpless, not being able to do anything to help her. So, in a very strange way, Christmas this year has reminded me ...

I am one of the many people who frequent Bangsar Village. I find the location convenient: its a 10/15 min drive from home, parking spots are generally easy to find, amenities are good - clean toilets, ATM machines, post office close by... , the supermarket stocks all that I want at pretty reasonable prices, along with the finer things in life which are not usually available at the hypermarkets, Caring Pharmacy always has a pharmacist on duty & they are friendly & helpful and there are lots of eateries, in the building & nearby that makes it all in all very nice. More importantly, the staff that they work there are really nice people, always with a smile & helpful. Last Thursday night though underscored all these reasons. I was to meet some friends for buka puasa at BV 2. As I drove into the car park, along with the many cars making their way there at that busy hour, I suddenly saw one of the staff (he was a local Chinese, a supervisor I guess) running to get my atte...