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Contemplative

I'm in a thoughtful mood - searching for the cause & meaning of a certain 'emptiness' inside.

All things considered, everything is going well. Work is great, kids are doing okay, no one particular thing wrong.

And yet, something is. I feel a lack of connection to me. Its as if I am here, but not quite, a certain hollowness to all I do.

I've wondered if its because of my neglect of the spiritual aspect of my life. Over the last week, I tried to make time to be with the Lord, to meditate ( as best I can, lol), to talk to Him & to hear Him. And I'm happy that we've reconnected, the Lord has always been a friend, and its nice to get back in touch.

But have also realised that while my spirituality adds another dimension to my life, the lack of it isn't the cause the present emptiness.

I think its because 'Me' is presently not very connected to anyone. I relate to people at work as an employee & while I enjoy great friendships at work, it isn't always the real me. Having said that, the 'Me' at work is the most that I get to be 'Me'.

I want to be connected - I want to be able to be 'Me' with someone else - let go, think, feel, react without fear of the consequences. Where I don't have to filter my words & actions all the time.

I suppose that casual encounters do allow for that, but also long for the comfort of a more 'long-term' connection. Someone who'll be there...

I suppose as much as I've tried, can't run away from the fact that I am female - that I want a 'relationship' and not just sex, LOL

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